Ibibio Traditional Wedding


The Ibibio’s are predominantly found in Akwa-Ibom state, and are made up of the Annang, Ibibio, Eket and Oron Communities. 
"Ibio-ibio" means short or brief but this does not have anything to do with the height of the Ibibios. Source has it that the name was given as a result of the brief way the Ibibios do their things.

Getting married or picking abride from any of these aforementioned communities has a procedure which is been followed.

Traditional wedding or marriage in Ibibio begins when a man sees a girl he wants to marry, he then tells his family. The groom-to-be schedules a date for “Locating the In-Laws” referred to as “Ndidiong Ufok”.

In Akwa Ibom, this is the first stage in the process of getting married. The idea is simply to allow the groom to locate the house of the bride’s parents. In the words of a native, “to know the road to the bride’s family house” and relay his intentions to them. It usually was advised that the groom comes alone or with a friend and a bottle of wine because it is believed that if the parents were going to reject the groom, it could be done quietly and with very little family members present to avoid embarrassment. This is just a casual visit to the bride’s family and when the groom has been approved by the family, he is allowed to make formal his intentions. The date for this is entirely different from the day of the casual visit and is usually done whenever the couple deems fit.

After the family of the groom has gotten to know the house of the girl, they can come and knock on the door and officially ask for the lady’s hand. Door knocking is officially asking for the hand of the girl in marriage.

The knocking on the door is more or less the same as in the Yoruba tradition or the Igbo tradition, where family of the groom comes and asks for the girl that they are looking for in the house and in turn collect the "list" provided by the Father and elders of the girls family. Here the groom does not talk as his father and kinsmen would do the talking on his behalf.

The “Door Knocking called Nkong Udok/ Nkong Usong”, is the formal declaration of intentions. Here, the groom-to-be after being approved by the bride’s family comes over to the bride’s family house again. This time with elderly members of his paternal family, and in cases where no such person exists, an elderly man from the clan can take stead. The elder makes their intentions known formally to the lady’s family and thereafter, presents a few bottles of drinks. After this is achieved, the groom’s family is invited for the introduction ceremony and a list of things to be presented at the ceremony is given to the groom’s family. The list will usually contain drink items and a few other things to aid the introductory ceremony.

In the Ibibio tradition the grooms family has to buy some things for the family of the bride, the items on the list include things for each member of the lady’s family from the youngest to the oldest.
The day that the things or items on the list are to be delivered is called the ‘Uno Mpo’, which means to “to give something”. 
Traditionally, it is believed that the list is a way of compensating the family of the lady by the family members of the groom, for taking away a member of their family, thus reducing the number of hands that would have helped in the farm or with cooking and taking care of the house. Even though in recent times there are no more farms to help out with but in most cases, but tradition must be adhered to. The date of the delivery of the items is usually settled on at the ‘Nkong Udok/ Nkong Usong’.

Once the date for the Introduction “Mbop” is set, the groom and his entire family or able representatives as well the bride’s family assemble themselves in a chosen venue. Here, both families present a spokesman, with the bride’s family spokesman doubling-up as the moderator.

In Akwa Ibom, the natives are very particular about food, they believe that all guests must be served food upon arrival in their homes especially in-laws. However, the decision to serve the prospective in-laws food before or immediately after the introduction is entirely up to you. Most families would rather serve the food first. This is done because they believe that when a guest comes to your home, you welcome him/her, give food and ask, “You came to our house, we welcomed you, we fed you, now what are you here for?”

It is at this point that the ceremony commences, both families get to know one another by questioning each other. Family members also advice and pray for the couple. Once all the formalities are over with, the items that were requested are presented to the bride’s family for crosschecking and approval. Once the items are approved, another list is drawn up for the groom’s family to be presented at the traditional marriage. The bride price is also negotiated.

The next that follows all these events is the traditional wedding. The traditional Marriage “Usoro Ndo” is the wedding proper. The items on the list ought to have been presented prior to this day to ensure that everything requested for is provided before the date. On this day, the groom and his family make their way to the bride’s village. Of course they may have arrived sometime earlier, but that it is said that they arrive that day. Upon their arrival, the women and children of the village barricade the entrance with road blocks. The women and children make their request known to the groom’s family and it is the duty of the groom and his people to provide whatever they request on the spot. It is said that this is done because the women cut the grasses on the roadside and children sweep the road, so they must be paid for their services. When this has been settled, all the invited guests move to the marriage venue except the groom and his friends who are taken to a separate location.

This is where all the hair and clothing that you would probably have seen in pictures or videos are donned; the bride and groom dress in full traditional regalia sometimes like a prince or princess, depending on their own tastes of course. The ceremony takes place more or less like the Igbo Traditional wedding, the father of the bride gives her palm wine in a calabash to search for her husband and show the whole world by giving him the drink, the bride then goes around looking for her husband where he is seated. As soon as she sees him, she kneels in front of him and gives him the calabash of palm wine and he drinks. This singular act indicated that she has shown the people who her husband is.

All these events are handled according to the purse size of the families involved, and in recent times, people choose to do all or some of these events together and sometimes skip some parts all together in a bid to reduce the length of the whole ceremony.

Here is an example of what a list might look like, and please note that these lists are negotiable and are according to the wealth status or purses of the families involved.

Traditional List to be purchased by Grooms family for the bride’s family:

Father MBUP: A square bottled hot drink, native gin, head of tobacco, he goat, machete with sheathe, some cash, wrappers (wrapped on the 4 corner hot drink), jar of palm wine, singlets, pants, traditional attire, hat, shoes, crates of beer, soft drinks, whiskey, walking stick, cognac e.t.c (the list can be more extensive depending on the area).

Mother: A She goat, basin of pepper, bag of salt, blouses, wrappers, box of assorted clothing pressed down, basin of crayfish, pants, bras, crates of soft drinks, cartons of wine, cash etc…

Village Women: Crates of soft drinks, wine, malt, brooms and cash.

Youth: Football, crates of beer, jar of palm wine, native gin, cash.

All these are dependent on the different dialects/areas or villages, in some areas, the grandparents from both sides are included, cousins, in-laws etc…